“Look no further: there is no need to order a skinny lotta-yukka-crappa with an extra shot of mud any more.”

So you've decided you want a coffee, as in you actually want to meet for coffee, not to just have a meeting, not to sip herbal tea, not to get laid. You just want a coffee. But equally, you don't want to stand at a counter feeling either like a child failing to read off the board as you stammer through a complex list of foreign, hybrid words or - worse - be made to feel every bit like the over-charged, caffeine freak that you are by reciting your order in a fluid stack of fourteen components. And you certainly don't want to be left with a cup of ditch-water at the end of it.

Well fear not; here is my pick of fabulous places where you can simply enjoy spectacular, quality coffee - and quite frankly, everywhere else can go f'coffee.

For one of the best cups of coffee in London, head to Monmouth in Covent Garden - it will be hard to go back to what you were drinking before. Coffee Plant in Notting Hill also sells a wonderful cup, though the cafe is certainly 'no-frills' so order a deliciously smooth flat white and enjoy as you stroll through Portobello Market.

With the focus staying firmly on coffee, Fernandez and Wells serves a delicious array alongside many yummy sweet treats and also offers one of my favourite indulgences - afogato (espresso poured over vanilla ice cream). Ginger and White is a cute little coffee shop in Hampstead where they keep things simple but spectacular; a great place for a warming cappuccino and slice of homemade cake.

For a more substantial accompaniment to your morning caffeine indulgence, head to Caravan in the East where they serve a hugely popular breakfast menu, Providores on Marylebone High Street, which is always teeming with well-heeled locals, Lantana in Fitzrovia or the buzzing Breakfast Club in Angel (also with sites in Hoxton and Soho).

If you are looking for something more sophisticated and refined, Albion in Shoreditch is where those that manage to fuse yummi-mumminess with urban cool head, and Aubaine in Kensington is where you can enjoy sweet delicacies alongside your skinny latte. So good riddance lotta-yukka-crappa; we're full of beans.